I remember just as I was leaving Kettering, OH, when I was 18, I thought, "I cannot wait to get out on my own." I was headed to Jacksonville, FL, to attend bible college, and I was hopeful about the road ahead. Sure, I'd miss my family and friends. I worried if I'd be able to keep in contact with those I had grown up with. But, all in all, I couldn't wait to get out from underneath the watchful eye of my parents. I'm now 34 and pastoring a church in Baltimore, MD. Ironically, I have the responsibility of watching over many families, including my own. If any of them knew that 18-year-old boy, I doubt they would’ve voted me in as pastor.
The point that I’m trying to make is that, essentially, I’ve been “on my own” since college. No, not totally independent. No one is ever truly independent. There were many times when I’d call mom and dad to ask for spending money (more often mom than dad). The number of times I invaded my aunt and uncle’s place in Jax, ate their food, and did my laundry, were so numerous they really should’ve charged me rent. But, by most standards, I had to watch out for myself. No one was going to do my laundry. No one was going to make sure I was going to class. And while the college had someone posted on campus to monitor curfew, it helps to befriend said “person” if the time ever gets away from you and the clock reads, “12:06am.” Not that I’m saying that I ever befriended one of my fellow classmates for selfish reasons. This is purely hypothetical. But neither am I not saying that.
Looking back, what I thought independence was, isn’t what I now know independence to be. I thought it implied freedom; in reality, independence entails ownership. That, while yes, you are in many ways free to do as you please; you are also aware that should things go sideways, you will only have yourself to blame. Gone were the parental gatekeepers. Gone was the security of the familiar. Being in a new place, a new city, and a new state meant that you and you alone, had to take ownership of your life. If you didn’t, your life would go nowhere. And sure, going back home was always an option, but it was always the very last option, at least for me. I wanted to prove to myself and my parents that I could stand on my own two feet.
But now, I’m older. I have a career. I have a wife. I have two barbarians that some would call “children.” And the longer I’m here on this earth, the more I realize that life was far easier when I was 17 living under the watchful eye of my parents. I didn't have to worry about the things all adults worry about. Ironically, in a way, I was freer then than I ever realized. But when is “easy” ever rewarding? Growing up means taking the challenges life throws at you. To remain as you are is to become inert. Even though we may wish for "simpler" times, how many of us would honestly give up our independence for ignorance?
Taking ownership of one’s life is hard, but it is far, far more gratifying. And when we trust that the One who made the universe is working every day to grow us, growth is always preferable to stagnation. At some point, we all have to stand on our own two feet. Independence may not have been what I initially thought it was, but I would not trade the man I am today for the boy I was back then.
“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."
Philippians 2:12-13
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