Allow me to begin by telling an all-too-common story. A boy is invited to their friend's birthday party. There are games, cake, and, of course, gifts. Eventually, the time comes to open those gifts. And, with the veracity of a dinosaur ripping into a plump Wayne Night in Jurassic Park, the boy’s friend begins opening present after present, revealing some new trinket. Afterward, the kid turns to his dad on the way home and asks, "Can I have the same things my friend got for his birthday?”
Now, it's understandable that a child would want what he does not have, but this does not excuse his behavior. This is especially true in our tale because this boy wasn't poor. He had more than enough toys to play with at home. In fact, this boy just had a birthday a week before. Many of his presents lay unopened on his bedroom floor, not to mention the countless toys at the bottom of his toy chest that's lain untouched for weeks.
You see, the problem that the boy in our story had wasn’t that he lacked toys to play with; his issue was that he lacked contentment. Just as his friend’s father had provided good things for his son to play with, the boy’s father had blessed his son immeasurably. However, rather than be content with such things as he had, the child grew to covet those things that he didn’t have.
Ironically, this story is all-too-common for adults too. This is why "covetousness” is known by many names: envy, greed, lust, avarice, cupidity, craving, infatuation, etc. A child may want their friend’s toys, but we, though grown, all too often want our neighbor’s toys. In light of that, that last word in the Decalogue stands as a divine check to our selfish desires: "You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s" (Ex. 20:17).
There are three things I want you to know about coveting:
Firstly, coveting takes place in the heart.
The tenth commandment is unique among its brothers in that, rather than focusing on an action, it focuses on an inward state of mind. Coveting is the heart wanting what the hands should not have. This makes it nearly impossible to legislate or punish. How would someone be accused of coveting? Aside from God and the person who covets and assuming there’s no confession, it would be impossible to prove that someone had transgressed the tenth commandment. It seems, then, that this commandment (not unlike those before but more emphatically) highlights how our moral obligation to our neighbors is, ultimately, a duty to and therefore relegated by our God.
The Lord sees the thoughts and intents of the heart and knows what transpires in our secluded psyche as much as what occurs in the light of day (cf. Heb. 4:12; 1 Sam. 16:7). Thus, God’s primary concern in issuing the Ten Principles was not mere external compliance to some legislation but internal conformity to his will. How intriguing that God ends the Decalogue by prohibiting something that only he can enforce. This is because every commandment (not just the first four) deals with our relationship with God. In loving our neighbors well, we are really loving our God well.
Secondly, coveting affects every part of our life.
The tenth word in the Decalogue lists seven things that a person shouldn't only refrain from taking but shouldn't even long for. And, it behooves (Yes, “behooves.” It’s a good word. Try incorporating it into your day. You’ll sound smart.) us not to rush through this list.
God says we shouldn’t covet our neighbors…
- house ("Man, my neighbor has a beautiful home. In fact, it's better than mine." "Welcome to another episode of Fixer Upper! Today, we'll be taking this old dilapidated house, slapping some shiplap on there, and breathing new life into it. By the end of the episode, you'll hate your own house!")
- wife ("Wow! My friend's wife is gorgeous! Why can't my wife look like that!" "Look at my neighbor's husband. He's so charming and talented. If only my husband were more like him.")
- male servant, female servant, ox, and donkey (“My job isn’t nearly as prestigious as his.” “I should’ve gotten that promotion instead of him.” "They're always going on the most amazing vacations, and I'm stuck here." "Why can't my kids be more like their kids.")
- anything that is your neighbor ("If only I were as smart/talented/funny/beautiful as them, then I'd be happy." "My car is a piece of junk! I need a new one just like __________ ." "No one has it as hard as I do. I've got to work my butt off just to get a bit ahead. Everyone else has it so easy.")
The fact that God lists out seven things suggests two things. First, it bespeaks of a “completeness” in that there is nothing that your neighbor has that you are allowed to want. And, secondly, to covet is sin in its purest form.
This is not to say that simply wanting something is “coveting.” John Dickson explains in his book, A Doubter's Guide to the Ten Commandments (2016, p. 158), that this idea is more akin to Buddhism than Christianity in that Buddhists seek to be released from all desires entirely, a state they call “Nirvana.” In doing so, they seek to insulate themselves from pain, a sentiment we can all sympathize with. After all, you won't be disappointed if you expect to be disappointed or disassociate yourself from your own desires. But in insulating themselves from pain, Buddhists also protect themselves from pleasure. Scripturally, we are not souls in need of being released from our mortal vehicles; instead, we’re beings designed with both mind and body intertwined and inseparable (cf. Deut. 6:4-5). God has given us a variety of desires, and he expects and encourages us to satisfy those urges, albeit in his way.
For instance, being hungry is not a sin. Or, desiring to improve oneself (be it for our physical or mental well-being) is a good thing. Wanting to meet a need is okay. However, what is never okay is when our wanting moves beyond meeting our needs to satisfying our greed. Wanting to eat is fine, but we ought to manage our appetite to avoid becoming gluttonous. Wanting to improve our station in life is a laudable desire, but when we make it the goal of our life to succeed at all costs, we’ll quickly become uncharitable, prideful, and/or vain. And, especially when it comes to wanting our neighbor’s stuff, that desire is never, under any circumstance, okay.
Lastly, coveting is the seedling that produces every kind of sin.
Since the tenth commandment is situated at the end of the list, it also has a bearing on all the other commandments that preceded it. For instance, seeing another nation’s gods and desiring them for one’s own will undoubtedly lead to forsaking the one true God (first commandment), worshiping idols (second), and defaming God’s name (third). If we see that the way to get more things is to work as much as we can, it would naturally lead us to work seven days a week (fourth). If our friends have parents who appear to be better, we could refuse to honor the parents we have (fifth). And coveting, given its full reign, will enable people to murder (sixth), commit adultery (seventh), steal (eighth), and lie (ninth).
Ultimately, we do not covet our neighbor’s stuff because God’s provision is sacred. When we covet what God has not given us, we resent something that God has done for our neighbor. This is the polar opposite of loving our neighbor as ourselves. But not only are we, in a way, hating our neighbor when we covet, but we are also snubbing our noses at the very things that God has given to us. Therefore, the admonition to not covet is, conversely, an encouragement to be content. If the Lord has so blessed our neighbors, then we can rest assured that the Lord will likewise bless us since he is not only their helper but our helper (cf. Heb. 13:5-6). Listen to the words of Paul as he writes in 1 Timothy 6:6-11:
But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness
Covetousness is like an open wound we inflict on ourselves. Scratching, cutting, and bruising ourselves until we cannot help but relieve the pain of it, for a season, by taking what is not ours to take. The only remedy for the mind that is so unhinged is contentment. It is the salve that soothes the restless heart. And once a person has learned contentment, very little in this life can disquiet him (cf. Phil. 4:11-13).
