When Stephen and I discuss topics we want to write about I usually have a pretty good grasp on a direction I want to take. Sometimes it’s as clear as the noon day sun, other times it’s just a glimmer faintly seen on the horizon. Either way I end up with something I can be proud of and throw to the open maw of the socials. So you can imagine my frustration when I had absolutely no idea how to answer the question. Nothing satisfied me as I mulled that question over in my mind—what is one thing we ought to be talking about?
Now, do not misunderstand, this wasn’t for lack of trying, nor was it merely writer’s block. There are four different drafts on my desktop that, should I have wanted, would’ve been sufficient enough to please even Stephen’s insatiable curiosity. But all of them sunk my spirits and were an absolute dull to read. In fact, I wouldn’t be exaggerating to say that they were the mental equivalent to an iron maiden (the torture device and not the heavy metal band…though, now that I think of it, either metaphor is appropriate).
Thankfully, in the midst of my frustration, I happened to watch the 2020 presidential debate. (Rest assured, I’m not about to get political.) I think everyone would agree that, at the very least, that debate was brutal to watch. For little over ninety minutes we saw two candidates running for the most powerful seat in the country argue about why they should get our votes. And while some name calling and a few wild accusations were bound to come up, we hoped that there would be at least some sensible dialogue about current important issues. Instead we witnessed two grown men talk over one another vying for the last word. Needless to say, it was embarrassing, but above all it was disheartening.
It was then, in the wake of that nationally broadcasted screaming match, that I realized what I wanted to write: We are a society who talks far too much and listens far too little. You’ll have to forgive me if it took an age to get to that conclusion but I felt some personal context would help illustrate the matter.
We prize our personal opinions so highly that we often forget to listen when others are talking. We are bizarre mutants who speak with all the vibrato and eloquence of a Greek philosopher yet lack even one ear to listen. When another disagrees with us our initial instinct is to “bow up” and start talking louder and louder in order to assert our dominance. When our opponent doesn’t back down, we find ourselves locked in a screaming match. For either side to call a ceasefire on their bombastic rhetoric would mean admitting defeat. So the volley goes on and on and on….
That debate would’ve been far easier to digest if those two men were more concerned with listening than winning. And yes, I do understand that the general point of a debate is to win. However, we as a species would accomplish far greater things if we were far more concerned with hearing each other speak rather than beating each other down. Everyone hears themselves talking but do any of us feel like we’ve been heard?
The writer of Proverbs knew this all too well. He even said that in 18:2, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” It seems he must’ve been a part of many a debate in his lifetime to come to such a conclusion. He even provides a helpful solution to this problem: understanding. To understand is to hear a matter in its entirety. It means to listen and hear a thing till the very end. This means paying attention even if what we’re hearing isn’t pleasant. It means focusing in on the one talking even if what they’re saying reveals some deficiency in our own character or our particular camp.
It is for this very reason that the brother of Jesus tells us to listen twice before speaking first (cf. Ja. 1:19). In this way we wet our proverbial fuse and resist the urge to explode when someone disagrees with us. In fact, this tactic might even keep us from speaking at all. The listener is far more prone to remain silent than he is to express himself in the moment (cf. Pro. 10:19; 15:1; 17:28; 21:23; 29:11; Eph. 4:29; Ja. 3:6).
When people are talking to you, do they feel like they are being heard? Or can they see behind your eyes a response already written? You’re poised, ready to strike. You’re merely waiting for them to stop speaking. So, my response to this week’s question, “what is one thing we ought to be talking about”, is maybe we should talk a little less in general. Just a thought.
Now, do not misunderstand, this wasn’t for lack of trying, nor was it merely writer’s block. There are four different drafts on my desktop that, should I have wanted, would’ve been sufficient enough to please even Stephen’s insatiable curiosity. But all of them sunk my spirits and were an absolute dull to read. In fact, I wouldn’t be exaggerating to say that they were the mental equivalent to an iron maiden (the torture device and not the heavy metal band…though, now that I think of it, either metaphor is appropriate).
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