My dear Wormwood’s Younger Brother (whose name has forsaken me due to my unfortunate lack of omniscience),
It is 2021 and although our tactics have slightly changed our goal remains the same—do whatever it takes to sell those looking for the real Christ a “bill of goods.” Let me explain.
As you have heard me rehearse before I am sure, from the beginning of time I sought to do whatever it took to displace God from the throne of His kingship. It made me nauseous just to think of Him being in that seat and not me. It was then our initial strategy was clear—make those who did not follow God appear prosperous and those who followed Him yearn for the grass on our side of the fence. And it worked!
It all began as I tempted Eve to desire and eat of the fruit that God had forbidden. Solomon wanted more than God had provided in what we now refer to as his “mid-life crisis.” And Asaph with that cherished quote which now hangs in my den, “I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” Mission accomplished!!
Of course, I won’t bring up the disgusting sentencing that followed that day in Eden. Or Solomon’s distasteful conclusion in the book of Ecclesiastes. Or Psalm 73 for that matter. Irrelevant.
Anyways, we were winning.
Kind of.
And then Jesus had to be born and mess it all up for a few years.
I mean my Pharisees were doing a great job on the frontlines flipping the script! “Religion of God” can now promise fame, power, and, most of all, worldly success they exemplified for us. Why did Jesus have to be born in lowly Bethlehem of all places to a couple of poor Nazarenes surrounded by a bunch of nobody shepherds? I mean really!!
But I digress.
Although those were the worse 33 years of my life, we did have some success on the convincing front in those days and following. The rich young ruler turning down Jesus’ offer of eternal life to hold onto his wealth. Demas forsaking Paul on his missionary journey “having loved this present world.” And MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE was convincing Judas to betray Jesus for 30 measly pieces of sliver!!
I love to brag on myself—it’s good for the prideful soul don’t forget my young fireball.
Everywhere you turn in this world’s history I…ok, we…have convinced people that want Jesus that they should desire comfort and success along with it. It’s all been too easy if you ask me. Fast-forward a bit in this history lesson and you will see my point.
America has this belief that they are the Christian nation. So be it. No harm, no foul for our cause. In the beginning years of this country I had these workers who I think they now call charlatans but talented folks for sure. They would convince all these empty-minded citizens of this newfound country to believe and then buy all sorts of things in the guise of religion—a potion for this, a remedy for that, a healing inside a large tent, and, my favorite to this day, snake oil. (Insert maniacal laugh here.) These creatures would do and fall for anything to achieve comfort in this life!! ANYTHING!!
Here’s the best part my young firefly, people these days think they are too smart to fall for anything like that again. But what you and I both know is that our strategy is the same as those salesmen back then and so are the results. We, once again, are selling a “bill of goods” to people looking for the real Jesus. I mean just think about these phases over the years: Popstar Jesus with what they call synthesizers, Rockstar Jesus with what they refer to as fog machines, and even preachers who preach for us health, wealth, and prosperity to their followers all behind a winning smile. It really is too easy!
Even the rare group of Christian leaders who try to teach a cautionary tale don’t realize they are planting the very same thing in the minds of those who come behind. Continuous trendsetting, best-selling chapel and conference speakers sprout a mindset in each of these up-and-comers to expect a comfortable ministry complete with book deals, viral videos, clever social media quotes and shares, and the occasional Hollywood friend. While these newborn ministers chase selfish success, many of their followers become disillusioned with this cheapened sense of who Jesus has become in the process.
Convincing all servants of the Unspeakable’s church (for His name has been spoken too much already) that somehow the end justifies regardless of this means, and that visible results exonerate these secret sins is still our aim from Seattle to Singapore. For when the former is exalted above the latter, it will all crumble at our hands in time. “Making a mountain out of a Mars Hill” is how I’ve begun to describe such beautiful debris. Have I mentioned how easy this really is?
All I want to leave with you is this my young hothead—if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. Or, as I like to say it—if the snake oil sells, don’t worry ‘bout the cautionary tales.
The Snake-Oil Salesman of Eden (The O.G.)
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