May 7, 2022 – Ron Young
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Thousands of leftists exploded in rageful cacophony Monday night as a potential leak suggested that the Supreme Court of the United States would overturn Roe vs. Wade, the controversial 1973 decision that found a woman's right to abortion deeply embedded in the Constitution.
"It is the end of the actual $%^&* world," said one especially level-headed non-binary latinx preferring the pronoun zim. "The founding fathers didn't even believe in God, so all the religious nazi mysogynists can chillax."
One commenter asked about the part of the Constitution that reads, "they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights," but his comment was quickly removed after he was doxxed, fired from his place of employment, cast out into the streets, and burned at the stake.
A tiktok video created by user animlzRhooman2 showed what appeared to be a genderqueer cat-type creature howling at the moon in infinite sadness. “Our Constitution will only work for a moral people. John Adams said that. John freaking Adams, people! How can we be considered moral and also deny women the right to rip their child apart in the womb?"
An opposing video went live to explain that John Adams - and many other founders - would have been appalled at the very ideas proposed by the cat creature. Thankfully, the government's newly formed disinformation board discovered the man's location and after only 4:53 of live streaming, the man was dragged away from his screen by military police.
While this is still a breaking news story, you can help by adhering to the following:
1. Quickly report anyone pointing out that this Supreme Court decision does not actually make abortion illegal. These people are just the absolute worst kind of bigots.
2. Place any neighbors celebrating this decision under citizen's arrest. Drag them to your
home and then murder them in self-defense if their words begin to hurt your psyche.
3. If you live in a state that has anti-woman abortion laws on the books, threaten to
move and then burn some things down.
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