I have the unenviable task of posting on a Monday following one of the Middling wives. It is only unenviable in that there will likely be a viewer drop-off of about 700 people. I have the further unenviable task of trying to apply the fifth commandment to our modern world. At first blush, this should not be difficult in the slightest. The command is straightforward and easily understood. And yet, it is counter to much of what is evidenced in our culture.
As far back as 2007, which is admittedly further behind us than I care to think, you can find articles with titles like, Why don’t American kids respect their parents more? The author gives reasons such as:
- American parents have less time to discipline their kids, in part because women are more likely to work, wages are higher, and there is a general rush and hurry.
- American culture is less closely tied to the entire notion of hierarchy and respect, whether or not kids are in the picture.
- The American divorce rate is relatively high.
- Balance is difficult, and a tipping point requires that someone be in charge. In America that is the kids, although the underlying reasons for this difference may be quite small.
- America is saturated in mass media, and that culture encourages the independence of the child, most of all because children are prime viewers of TV and drivers of Nielsen ratings. (all points from reference: Cowen, 2007)
Whether one agrees with the causality presented in the article (the listed reasons cause disrespect), it is easy enough to see how an honoring and respectful relationship could be strained by these issues.
Just two years later, Today.com shared an excerpt of the book The Power of Respect, by Deborah Norville. In her book she writes,
"From Hollywood starlets to Wall Street moguls (and many people in between), it is becoming far more common for the headlines to highlight people with disrespectful attitudes and behaviors. Americans don’t often agree on many things, but when it comes to respect, people say there’s less of it lately. Nearly eight in ten Americans (79 percent) say a lack of respect and courtesy is a serious national problem, and most people say it’s getting worse (60 percent). Seventy-three percent say we used to treat one another with greater respect" (NBC Universal, 2009).
In 2017, an article written by a PhD for Developmental Science says that "research is revealing an important truth: Respect is a two-way street, and it becomes especially important during adolescence. Shifting focus from how much respect you feel you're getting, to whether or not you're showing them respect, is critical" (Divecha, 2018).
In other words, the problem is that parents need to respect and honor their children more. This has led to headlines such as this one from 2018: One in Four Americans Feel U.S. Children Are Not Respected (Crabtree, 2022).
And now we live in a culture where children as young as kindergarten ought to have the personal autonomy to change their gender (Brooks, 2018), attend drag queen story hours (CBN News, 2021), and be taught graphic sexual education (Bishop, 2021).
I understand that is a lot of introductory stuff, but it should be noted that our society has things backwards.
The fifth commandment of Scripture is this: "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee" (Exodus 20:12). This command is repeated - and added to - in Deuteronomy 5:16, "Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."
In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul repeats the command thusly, "Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth" (Ephesians 6:2-3).
Since we are talking about how this commandment applies in our modern world, I want to focus on the fact that this is the first commandment with promise.
In both of the Old Testament references that I quoted above, the command to honor one's parents is tied to longevity upon/in the land that God had given to the Israelites. In essence, this command is tied to society by incredibly strong bonds. Dennis Prager says it this way, "The commandment promises the nation collectively that if its members honor their parents, the family will be preserved, its religious traditions and beliefs will be preserved, and the civilization will therefore long endure"(Prager, 2018, p. 258).
Now, go back and look at the differences in the articles I quoted above. In 2007, the question centered around kids disrespecting their parents. In 2009, the focus was on disrespect all around. In 2017, the question centered around how much are parents actually respecting their children. In 2019, a survey found that a large number of Americans felt like children were disrespected.
And in articles from 2018 and 2021, and in news headlines almost daily, we see the destruction of morality in our culture beginning with the earliest of ages. Prager (2018) goes on to say, "The breakdown of the family is a guarantor of the breakdown of a civilization" (p. 258). It ought not to surprise us that when we flip the script on the parent/child relationship, morality declines.
So, what does honoring ones parents look like in today's world?
I think it starts with parents who act in honorable ways and model this for and expect this from their children. Parents must remember that they are designed as and commanded to be authority figures and not peers of their children. I had a conversation with my son the other day that ended with me loudly stating, "I am your father. I am not equal to you." While that may not fly culturally, it does biblically.
We honor our parents by how we respond to them, of course, and this typically leads to added joy in our relationship with them. But this goes further because we honor our parents in how we integrate their teachings into our lives. The Bible says that it is a joy when one's child walks in the truth (3 John 1:4) and this is true whether one is talking about a spiritual child or a biological one.
In closing, it is important to understand that while children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1), the command to honor one's parents does not cease upon reaching adulthood. This is a command that is continual.
For me, part of honoring my parents is calling them somewhat regularly, although I don't do that enough. I seek advice from my dad when I need it, even though I don't always heed it. Strangely, I usually regret it when I don't. In an effort to honor my parents, I help them out in their yard from time to time. I bring my sons with me in the hope that they will learn from the experience. After all, I am hoping they will continue to honor me and their mother in our old age.
I can actually trace much of my ethics, whether work-related or morality-based, back to what my parents taught me about authority, honor, and obedience. I haven't always done it right, but it has molded me into who I am today.
If we want to put the brakes on the moral decline of our society, it seems like a good place to start is to re-integrate the fifth commandment.
References
Bishop, G. (2021). Bill requiring sex education to begin with kindergarten to be filed in Illinois legislature. Washington Examiner. https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/politics/bill-sex-education-kindergarten-illinois-legislature
Brooks, J. (2018). Is three too young for children to know they’re a different gender? Transgender researchers disagree. KQED. https://www.kqed.org/futureofyou/440851/can-you-really-know-that-a-3-year-old-is-transgender
CBN News. (2021). “drag queen story hour” coming into homes on PBS “let’s learn” TV series. https://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/entertainment/2021/may/drag-queen-story-hour-coming-into-homes-on-pbs-lets-learn-tv-series
Cowen, T. (2007). Why don’t American kids respect their parents more? Marginal REVOLUTION. https://marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolution/2007/11/why-dont-americ.html
Crabtree, S. (2022). One in four Americans feel U.S. children are not respected. Gallup.Com. https://news.gallup.com/poll/232502/one-four-americans-feel-children-not-respected.aspx
Divecha, D. (2018). Teenagers might have a problem with respect but it’s not the one you think. Developmental Science. https://www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2017/11/29/teenagers-might have-a-problem-with-respect-but-its-not-the-one-you-think
NBC Universal. (2009). R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Where has it gone? TODAY.Com. https://www.today.com/popculture/r-e-s-p-e-c-t-where-has-it-wbna33229370
Prager, D. (2018). The rational Bible: Exodus. Regnery Faith.
No comments:
Post a Comment